Moving Back to Northern California: FAQ

Q: Where exactly are you going to end up?

A: Within the boundaries of the Heritage Oaks Ward and the Los Altos School District.

Q: Does that mean you might have to give up Spanish Immersion for your younger kids?

A: Yes. (Tears.) I will do anything ethical within my power to get them into Castro, but there's a chance it won't happen. In that case, we will do Spanish after-school activities and frequent study trips to foreign countries as a family. But it would be so much easier and better to do it at Castro. Plus, my nephew goes to Castro. Plus, I adore Castro. It is a special, wonderful school.

Q: When are you moving?

A: Our dear friends from Amsterdam are coming to stay with us from Dec 27-Jan 4. The plan is that right after that we'll move up. Hopefully our kids will be in class for the first day back to school. We'll see.

Q: Are you going to try to buy a house immediately?

A: No, we won't be ready right away in any way. As much as it pains me to think of moving twice, it takes pressure off to not have to find the perfect house right away. We will get settled in the ward and schools and not worry about it until later. But if you hear of the perfect rental, let us know!

Q: We've noticed you have those license plate covers, "Live Deliberately." You know you don't have to haul off and uproot your family every time you get an idea in order to live deliberately, right?

A: Yes. Each one of our changes has taught us invaluable life lessons and felt really right to us, and (as you have noticed) we are not averse to change. We truly have no regrets! But we are ready to settle down and finish raising our children in the place that feels most like home to us in the whole wide world. We will keep living deliberately from Los Altos.

Q: You always have a metaphor ready for any situation, and we've noticed a Wizard of Oz "there and back again" theme. Do you have another metaphor as well?

A: Why yes, yes I do! Here it is: We fell head over heels in love with the San Francisco Peninsula the moment we set foot there in 2005. We were starry-eyed ga-ga for the Bay Area, giddy about its charms and overlooking its flaws. The romance lasted and deepened as we made lifelong friends that felt like family. But any time we would get close to buying a ring and proposing (buying a house), we would get gun-shy and remember hotties we dated in high school who weren't as demanding. After awhile, though we still loved our dear Peninsula, we were worried about some of the challenges in the relationship and knew we needed to take a break to travel the world and date around. We traveled. We cleared our heads. We dated a knock-out from high-school and got serious. This new love-interest had some great things going for it, and wasn't so demanding in many ways. In the end though it turned out it was the perfect spouse... for someone else. We have a soul-mate, and it's you, Peninsula, it's you! It was always you.

Q: So you didn't hate Orange County... it just wasn't a good fit for you?

A: Correct.

Here are some things we loved and are so glad we got to experience:
-More time with Erik's family
-Solitude, peace, quiet
-The kids love boogie boarding now
-Owning a house we love. I'm not going to lie, that was fun
-Seeing dads skateboard with toddlers standing with them on their boards
-Seeing coyotes and road runners out our windows
-Seeing the ocean from our street
-Living by lots of Mormon families
-A Spanish elementary school and a middle school with church friends in the same school district

Here's why it wasn't a good fit:

-Just picture the bird "Blue" in the movie Rio. Remember that part when he's in Rio and he finally can't take it anymore and he screams "I DON'T LIKE SAMBA, OKAY????!!!!" And all the other birds' beaks quiver and they turn their backs in devastation and horror.

It's not that we hate surfing, it's just that we don't live and breathe and eat and sleep and want to marry surfing. There were other things too - you know us. You can guess. But I want to emphasize that the people here, especially here in San Clemente, are not the shallow, fake-body, fake-smile mannequins one fears one will have to make conversation with in Orange County. San Clemente is a wonderful place with wonderful people. It just wasn't us.

Q: One of the reasons you moved down there was to be near Erik's family. How did they take the news that it didn't work out?

A: I was physically shaking as we rang their doorbell to deliver the news. We talked about some other stuff first but I think they sensed that we were there to drop a bomb. It was really hard, and they were really sad. But they also told us they understood and that they weren't surprised. They had been hoping and praying that we would thrive near them, but they could tell that we were struggling and they knew how strong the pull was to our people up North. They were supportive and loving (as always) and they reassured us that they will continue to visit us often, no matter where we live. They are amazing people.

Q: The most important question (which many of you have really asked - thank you!): How are your kids taking it?

A (Stone): He has been very happy here, but he has periodically remarked that he wished he could go home. Last time we visited Los Altos, he said, "Wait... why didn't we come back here after Spain?? This is our home!!" He says he misses his friends and his cousins. He was thrilled when we told him. I don't think it's sunk in yet that he will be leaving the climbing wall and Vaughn Hemeon.

A (Sophie): Sophie is thriving at school. She loves her teacher and has made three very, very close friends. So I was surprised when we asked the kids what they thought of the possibility of moving back to Northern California, that she didn't even hesitate. "That's where we belong, Mom. That's our home." When we had our family meeting to tell them the decision, she clung to me and said "It's the best decision, but I'm going to need to cry about it." I told her I would need to cry about it too. But her friends were so supportive and loving when she broke the news to them, and now she's very excited.

A (Lucy): Lucy was our child who was most anxious to leave the Bay Area, and most excited to move to Southern California. She had always told us she wanted to own a big house with a big yard and live by family. She cried with joy when all of those dreams came true, and had seemed so content with our life here... until the last couple of months. She came to me awhile ago (before Erik and I had mentioned that we were re-assessing things) and said "I know you're going to be surprised by this, but if I could put our house in my backpack, I would take it back up to Mountain View." She has been frustrated with the level of education at school (she especially notices that Math is not as challenging as she wants), and in her words, feels like she doesn't "fit in." She also said she had not realized how important it was to walk around town and church and know that the people there know you and love you. She has noticed (as we all have) that in general the people here are nice, but they already have their friends and don't make time or space for more.

A (Lindsay): There was about a week that Erik and I knew we were going to move, but we hadn't told the kids yet. Any time I would think about telling Lindsay I would cry. She had made close friends very fast and had really enjoyed school... and she's in 7th grade! We had told her we were not going to move her during Middle School, and I felt like we were betraying her. So one night Lucy asked me in front of Lindsay "what's the chance that we would move back to Northern California?" and I was so blind-sighted and so emotional about it that I started to cry. Lindsay's eyes got big and then she tipped over onto her bed in fetal position and started crying too. I laid out all of the data for them and told them that Erik and I wanted the best thing for our family, long-term, and that we would weigh their feelings very heavily in the decision. Through her tears, she said "I want to go home. I'll miss Mia, but I want to go home." And then it was Lindsay that suggested that we should not wait until the end of the school year - once she thought about going back, she wanted to go right away.

Q: So will this affect your plans to go to graduate school?

A: Yep. I had been really excited about either San Diego State or Claremont Graduate University, both of which have fantastic English and Women's Studies departments. But there were drawbacks there too - both of those Universities are 1.5 hours (without traffic) from our current house, so I wasn't sure that was going to work anyway. I'll still go to grad school, but it won't be as soon as I was planning.

Q: What's your biggest worry?

A: Having to give up Spanish Immersion

Q: What are you most excited about?

A: Scott and Rachel and the boys, Friends who know us and love us and we know and love them, running in Rancho, Redwood trees, San Francisco, classes at Stanford, Friends who know and love us and we know and love them, Oatmeal cookie gelato at Yoogl, De Anza Lecture series, great quality Dance for Lucy, great quality Piano for Lindsay, Sparkling conversation, Eucalyptus trees, The Dish, The golden hills and the green hills, The HO Ward Halloween party, The HO Ward Christmas party, The HO Ward talks and classes and testimony meetings where there is more than one way to be a good Christian and good Mormon, The different languages everywhere you go, People wearing turbans and saris, Friends who know and love us and we know and love them, running in Rancho, SJ Children's museum, Dumb stupid crusty gross old El Camino that for some reason I just really love with all my heart, Muir woods, The Tech museum, The Zeum, The Exploratorium, Little Mom and Pop restaurants, JJ&F Market in Palo Alto where I am greeted by name and the guy at the deli counter knows what I'm going to order, the parks, Stanford Memorial Chapel, House of Bagels, visiting the courtyards, Giants games, Union Square, Trolley caroling, Hippies, Techies, Start-ups everywhere, University Ave in Palo Alto, The Bing Fair, The energy of the great big tech campuses, Amber India butter chicken, Guest authors at Books Inc, the drive up I-280 to the city, The minute you see the water in SF, the big weird bow and arrow sculpture on Embarcadero, Whoa, that reminds me, the super weird sculptures all over Palo Alto, like that guy with the big face on his stomach on California Ave, the Farmers Markets, Happy Feet, Blowfish Sushi, The culture that values being curious and being tolerant and respectful of others who are different from you, Stanford Mall, Rick's Rather Rich Ice Cream, Monterey Aquarium and the Dennis the Menace park, Ollalaberry picking in Watsonville, the rugged, rough, wild coast, The Christmas Tree Farm in Pescadero, Knowing and loving friends who are migrant workers and live in tiny apartments and knowing and loving friends who cashed out huge at Facebook and live in mansions in the hills, and God knows and loves them the same and we learn so much from all of them, Friends who know and love us and we know and love them.

Love you all!