I'm 36

 I am an organism living on a hunk of rock which spins 1070 miles per hour and orbits a large star. Two weeks ago I completed my 36th orbit! Here's what I did to celebrate:

1. My new friend Amy invited me to Panera for lunch. She secretly invited a bunch of her favorite people to introduce me to, many of whom have children in the Spanish Immersion program where my kids go. It was so kind. People I had never met brought me presents and hugs and woke their babies up from naps so they could be there for me. It was a short, casual lunch which I will never forget.

2. Erik's parents invited us all over for a celebration. Christiaan and Noelle arranged a babysitter for all the little ones, and the adults + Lindsay and Lucy went out to dinner at Thai Bite (my FAVORITE), and then came back to their house for dark chocolate ganache cake and presents. Elayne had set a darling table for the grandchildren with hearts cut out of apples; Ed had built my birthday throne with a book theme, my kids and niece drew pictures and wrote letters to me, and there were lovely thoughtful presents.

Amy on the birthday throne surrounded by family

3. On Valentine's Day we drove up to Los Altos to celebrate my birthday in my soul's home with our people. Our first morning there I told Erik I was heading over to my friend Wendy's house - she's a painter and I was taking over some fabric samples to see if she wanted to get started doing a painting for our new house. At the last minute Erik said he wanted to come along too. We walked in the door of that dear, familiar house to see Wendy and cute little Jayne, and of course hugged and chatted, and then as I looked over at a wall of their family room I noticed a different painting where her Canada landscape was supposed to be. I knew immediately it was the Seville cathedral, but my brain spun its wheels for a minute, trying to think why I had never known that Wendy loved Seville. What??? I looked at her, totally perplexed. "Where is that?" I asked. "Oh, it's just kind of.. somewhere in Europe," she replied. Me, totally confused. "But that's - that looks like - that's the Seville cathedral." Then from Erik, "Happy Birthday."

Tears and tears and tears.

4. I didn't get to go to Bing with my kids on my birthday as I had wanted, but I did get to hike around the Palo Alto hills taking pictures. I love so many places on this big rock spinning in space, but the place I want to be buried is by the San Francisco Bay. I want the elements of my body to nourish a tree like this, or a giant redwood. 

5. I spent a couple of days driving around streets without having to look at a map, pulling up into familiar driveways of my kids' friends' houses and watching their friends run out of houses or across fields with their arms outstretched to tackle them. I worked hard to frame the experience as  sweet instead of sad - I took my cues from my children, who are so good at living in the moment without worry. Instead of thinking how poignant it was that we used to live there but don't any more, or worrying about how long it would be before we saw them again, they were simply happy to be with them, right then. And so I was too. We met a large group of church friends at our beloved Cuesta park, and spent time one-on-one and with smaller groups in back-to-back appointments.

I miss those wise, majestic redwoods so much. And every one of those people.

6. Dinner with my brother and sister-in-law and kids at our old favorite: Mongolian BBQ. Lucy is a shameless Drew-hog. No one else even gets to look at him when she's around. :)

I tried to stay positive, but let's be honest: seeing these guys made me cry a lot. Sophie and Tyler walked around with their arms around each other, and as we walked along Castro Street I remembered the first day Scott and Rachel pulled up into Mountain View and met us at Shiva's for Indian food on their very first day in California when Ty was an infant in a baby carrier. We feel so lucky to have lived by them for those years. Here we are at our favorite yogurt place, Yoogl. Nothing compares with their Oatmeal Cookie gelato.

Our trip up North also included the Symphony in San Francisco, running in Rancho San Antonio, amazing and heart-balming birthday dinner, attending our old ward, and visiting our friends in East Bay. It was a whirlwind and actually kind of exhausting now that I'm reviewing it all... but so important for all of us.

As Lucy stated it, "now I feel at home in Northern AND Southern California." And surprisingly, and to our relief, by the end we were all ready to drive back South and cozy back up into our house together as a family. This was HUGE for us - we returned to San Clemente feeling almost like it was home.

Happy Birthday to me.

 

Amy makes peace with middle-schoolers in adult women's bodies

Today I dropped Stone off for his second day of preschool (we found a Montessori that will be fine), and as I was watching him play on the play ground I saw a little boy brush past him, and then just for the heck of it, give Stone a shove as he passed. Stone didn't care, but I felt some toxic reservoir inside me get too full, and when I went home I was ready to spill it (which usually means it spills out my mouth and out my eyes), and usually to Erik.

Amy: I hate society!!!

Erik: What happened?

Amy: A boy pushed Stone at school for no reason at all, and there were children crying for their mothers, and the people here are not friendly. Those girls at the furniture store yesterday (friends of a friend whom we ran into) were such snobs! I wish I could Malcolm Gladwell Blink-analyze what it was in their faces and their shoulders that made me suddenly realize that my coat did not match my boots and remember that I had run out of the house with my hair only half blow-dried. I hate that I am this old and I feel like I'm in middle school again. I hate that I am as wise as I am and I still let that Queen Bee energy have any power over me! (Eyes spilling)

Erik: (Hugging Amy) Yep.

Amy: I am trying not to judge people in general, but there are way more snobby women who give off that energy here. 

Erik: Yep. Luckily I don't notice it with the men or the children, but I do notice it with the women. And there were only a few back home... (pause) wait, can you think of anyone? Anyone we knew who gave off that snotty vibe?

Amy: (Pause) Nope, not a single person. What is it?? What is it that people do that makes you feel better when you're around them, versus making you feel like you're an inch tall?

Erik: It's the warmth and genuineness of the smile. Looking in the eyes. Asking questions about you to show they're actually interested in who you are as a person. Physical proximity. The cues aren't subtle - it's just a keeping at arm's length. But Amy, you know it's just from their own insecurity.

Amy: Yeah, I know. I am better able to metabolize it now, but when I don't know anyone and I have no friends and I feel so alone and homesick and then I meet someone, it's so hard to not let it bother me. I know it's their problem and it shows that they feel threatened, but it still sucks. I just want to stay home with my family. I hate society. People are fakey and pretentious. That's why I loved Spain. We just got to be our little family, and I never had the expectation that I would click with anyone or make any friends, so I never thought about it and I didn't care! If any Mom at the school ever talked to me I was pleasantly surprised. I would bike up to the school to drop the kids off every day, and I would be totally aware that everyone was staring at me and sizing me up with my American shoes and my American bike trailer and my American accent, and it didn't bother me at all. I was just like, "Yep, I'm Amy, and we're that American family! Go ahead and take it all in - we're super fascinating! I'll be gone soon!"

Erik: So is there a way to apply that attitude to our life here?

Amy: Yes... Yes. That's right. It's the same. "Hi, I'm Amy, and I'm that human being standing in front of you. I'll be dead soon, and so will you. Enjoy your life!" I know that sounds snarky, but I mean it, actually. Suddenly I feel better! I am not spending one minute caring what is going on in anyone else's mind. My minutes are too valuable for that. If someone is spending her time analyzing my shoes or my hair or my sofa or my children's behavior or whatever, then I feel genuinely sorry for her - her life is ticking by and she's wasting her time!! Poor girl.

Hi, I'm Amy! I'll be dead soon, and so will you. Enjoy your life!

The Real California

A couple of days ago Stone asked, "When are we going back to the real California?" :)

We like this California, but it still feels like we're on vacation. 

It's getting better though! Still many ups and downs each week and even each day, but we had some wonderful moments during the past two weeks. In no particular order:

 -We are feeling more at home inside our walls now that we now have a kitchen table and peacock-blue kitchen chairs (!) and a couch! It's actually a beautiful opportunity to appreciate each small comfort... if it had all arrived at once, we wouldn't notice the contribution of each piece of furniture. 

-We are feeling more comfortable on our streets - Lindsay, Erik and I rode our bikes to Lindsay's school last week (FLEW down the steep hills and then groaned our way back up), and exploring the streets on bike helped us feel like it's our neighborhood. Stone and I like to ride around during the day as well, and our across-the-street neighbor has a dirt hill front yard, which Stone loves to go crazy on with his bike. ("Did you see me on that sick hill, Mom?" Where did he learn that???)

-We got Disneyland Season Passes! Calling all friends and family: if you come visit on an off-season day, we will go with you! (If you come on a crowded day, you're on your own.) :)

-Lindsay invited over two friends for "Just Dance 4," hot tub, pizza and a movie. They are the nicest girls - it was so fun for our whole family!! And a big step to have a late friend night at our house.

-Lucy just said tonight: "In life you can't really have everything, but what I always wanted was to live by family, have lots of nature to run around in, and be in a neighborhood with kids. And that's what we got!!!" She is in Heaven.

-We attended a dance concert at Lucy's dance studio and I was impressed by the girls' analysis afterward. First, I appreciated the positive spin they put on their comments: "Some of the girls were really awesome!" and "Now we can really appreciate our old dance studio! We didn't realize that the dancers were so good at DAU (their old school), and we got to perform in huge concert halls instead of just in the Ballet room at the school." :) I agreed with their assessment, and we had a conversation about this being a smaller city, and generally the really fantastic Arts programs are found in bigger cities, which we had access to before. I did point out that many of the best dancers on So You Think You Can Dance come from small towns - they just worked their tails off and made sure they got the best teachers they could find. A smaller studio suits Lucy's personality better too. She LOVES dancing now, so I would say we're very happy with the different package of pros and cons.

-I met my friend Amber for dinner in Encinitas, and talking to her was like breathing again after holding my breath. She is so wise and funny and empathetic and such a good listener, and we have similar feelings about our beloved Bay Area ("stop talking about it, my chest is caving in" - they were at Stanford and Bing Nursery School with us) but are choosing to live down here in this wonderful place and love so much about it down here too. Seeing her and talking with her helped me so much. 

-My sister Whitney came to visit!!!! She was the first member of my family I've seen since we came back from Spain, and my heart exploded when I saw her at the airport. Stone called her "Whit Whit" and followed her around constantly - he sent her home with a party favor of his cough, fever and body aches (he and Erik were on their death beds last week), but we had so much fun with her. We went to Disneyland with Ed and Elayne (who have known her since she was a little girl)and the beach, which were SO much fun. And also just taking her to my local grocery store and doing the kids' carpools with her made me so happy. Also, she made me laugh harder than I have laughed in... how long, I wonder. Well, since the last time I was with my siblings. We both laughed so hard we couldn't breathe and were wiping tears. There is nothing better!!!

-On Friday Lindsay and I drove up to Santa Barbara to meet our friends Christie and Hazel for the weekend. I had never been to Santa Barbara, and I couldn't believe the beauty. The quaint little town, the huge trees, the green hills, the silver ocean sliding out to misty islands... I am so moved by California coastal landscape. And as we drove even that far North, we started seeing eucalyptus and redwoods again, which made me get teary so I had to not think about them too much. Christie thinks that I helped God create trees before this life. I think she must be right - my spirit wants to be a tree. And how much fun can two moms and two almost-12-year-old girls have in two days? Shopping, eating, running, hiking, watching wedding TV shows.... and PARAGLIDING. Seriously!! I was so scared I almost wet my pants but I did it, and was so proud of myself! Lindsay and I were starting to get really sad on our drive home, but we decided to frame it for ourselves this way:

We don't live by our McPhie side of the family, but we are very very close to them! So you don't need to live right next to someone in order to have them be a part of your life. You just need to plan and make it a priority to see them. We are not losing Northern California, we will stay connected and those people and those trees and that envigorating energy will always be a part of us. Here we get to live by our Allebest family and get to know and love these people and these trees and this relaxed energy. We will learn from both. We live in the real California, which is all of California. We love it all.

Decorating the house is fun. Our friend Tarah hooked us up with her friend, who is a RAD designer. Now that we are Southern Californians we are trying to incorporate RAD into our vocabulary. These are some samples for our family room - the house is pretty neutral so I am having fun adding lots of happy color.

And these are the front room samples. I want pillows and drapes from the middle fabric. And a chair and a dress and a hat and a scarf and a carpet that rolls out in front of me as I walk so I can see it every moment. 

At the top of the hill in Santa Barbara before our flying lessons began. That misty blue in the back is the ocean. We did all the paragliding training but then didn't have the right wind conditions to take off, so we just sat at the top of that hill waiting for awhile. It was so peaceful and beautiful I could have sat there forever. I really do need trees and grass and mountains in my daily life. I feel myself withering inside when I'm in society too long.

Hiking in the beautiful mountains with my beautiful girls

Lindsay and I hit the LA Fabric district on our way home from Santa Barbara to pick up some Amy Butler fabric for a dress she's sewing with Erik's mom. I do like having access to big cities, and maybe I will start to love LA like I loved San Francisco. I did enjoy hearing more Spanish than English - people spoke to me in Spanish and I just answered like it was normal. :)

Allebests are citizens of the World. We heart California and all of its diversity of people and plants and foods and colors and backgrounds and climates.