Amy makes peace with middle-schoolers in adult women's bodies

Today I dropped Stone off for his second day of preschool (we found a Montessori that will be fine), and as I was watching him play on the play ground I saw a little boy brush past him, and then just for the heck of it, give Stone a shove as he passed. Stone didn't care, but I felt some toxic reservoir inside me get too full, and when I went home I was ready to spill it (which usually means it spills out my mouth and out my eyes), and usually to Erik.

Amy: I hate society!!!

Erik: What happened?

Amy: A boy pushed Stone at school for no reason at all, and there were children crying for their mothers, and the people here are not friendly. Those girls at the furniture store yesterday (friends of a friend whom we ran into) were such snobs! I wish I could Malcolm Gladwell Blink-analyze what it was in their faces and their shoulders that made me suddenly realize that my coat did not match my boots and remember that I had run out of the house with my hair only half blow-dried. I hate that I am this old and I feel like I'm in middle school again. I hate that I am as wise as I am and I still let that Queen Bee energy have any power over me! (Eyes spilling)

Erik: (Hugging Amy) Yep.

Amy: I am trying not to judge people in general, but there are way more snobby women who give off that energy here. 

Erik: Yep. Luckily I don't notice it with the men or the children, but I do notice it with the women. And there were only a few back home... (pause) wait, can you think of anyone? Anyone we knew who gave off that snotty vibe?

Amy: (Pause) Nope, not a single person. What is it?? What is it that people do that makes you feel better when you're around them, versus making you feel like you're an inch tall?

Erik: It's the warmth and genuineness of the smile. Looking in the eyes. Asking questions about you to show they're actually interested in who you are as a person. Physical proximity. The cues aren't subtle - it's just a keeping at arm's length. But Amy, you know it's just from their own insecurity.

Amy: Yeah, I know. I am better able to metabolize it now, but when I don't know anyone and I have no friends and I feel so alone and homesick and then I meet someone, it's so hard to not let it bother me. I know it's their problem and it shows that they feel threatened, but it still sucks. I just want to stay home with my family. I hate society. People are fakey and pretentious. That's why I loved Spain. We just got to be our little family, and I never had the expectation that I would click with anyone or make any friends, so I never thought about it and I didn't care! If any Mom at the school ever talked to me I was pleasantly surprised. I would bike up to the school to drop the kids off every day, and I would be totally aware that everyone was staring at me and sizing me up with my American shoes and my American bike trailer and my American accent, and it didn't bother me at all. I was just like, "Yep, I'm Amy, and we're that American family! Go ahead and take it all in - we're super fascinating! I'll be gone soon!"

Erik: So is there a way to apply that attitude to our life here?

Amy: Yes... Yes. That's right. It's the same. "Hi, I'm Amy, and I'm that human being standing in front of you. I'll be dead soon, and so will you. Enjoy your life!" I know that sounds snarky, but I mean it, actually. Suddenly I feel better! I am not spending one minute caring what is going on in anyone else's mind. My minutes are too valuable for that. If someone is spending her time analyzing my shoes or my hair or my sofa or my children's behavior or whatever, then I feel genuinely sorry for her - her life is ticking by and she's wasting her time!! Poor girl.

Hi, I'm Amy! I'll be dead soon, and so will you. Enjoy your life!